I started a new workout class recently. Well, it is new to me because I just moved to the area. There has been this one thing about this new class that has been surprisingly challenging, even though I expect and look forward to the challenges that taking a new class may bring.
I decided to start taking yoga classes about a year ago, and I am happy I did. (I hesitate to say that here as I am aware that many cult like yoga groups exist, and I am not trying to endorse anything.) It has helped me manage stress, and has strengthened me physically in new ways. I also like how it is a non competitive practice of exercise. It is just me and my mat, and others with their mats, and an instructor leading the class through exercises and stretches, and everyone does what they can at their own pace. Usually, if I looked in the mirror, it was just to see if I was holding a pose correctly. Much of the time my eyes were closed, and it was time set apart for me to relax and focus on breathing and focus on....myself for awhile. (this is so contradictory to the "die to yourself and never focus on yourself but only Jesus and others" religious garbage I ate for years! It has taken some time for me to realize that it is ok to take care of myself and make time for myself and even.....dare I say,...make my own needs and self care a priority.)
This new instructor does things a bit differently. At several times throughout the class, between stretches, she asks us to stand up and keep our eyes open and look at ourselves. I did not like this at first. I wanted to keep my eyes shut, and stay in my own world. It was and has been difficult for me to stand there and take a long look at myself. I wanted to move into the next thing, or close my eyes, or do anything else, but look at myself in this mirror for thirty seconds straight several times throughout class. I did not want to look at my body and see it for what it was, for where it is today, and take ownership of it. And accept it, and do what I can to change the things I was not satisfied with. This got me thinking about somethings....
How long did I keep my eyes closed while I was in the cult, because it was the easier thing to do? How long did the blinders stay up, because in taking ownership of my life and looking at all of the things that did not seem right seemed too difficult to do? How long did the nagging in the back of my mind tell me that the way Randy acted with certain single women in the church was not appropriate...but yet, I never said anything, or questioned anything. How many years did I wonder why people "in the world" or "on the outside" of the cult, who had careers, families, lives, seem genuinely fulfilled and happy, ....while I was inside the cult, denying myself all of those things for the "true gospel" and for the "sake of Christ and the Church"? Yet, in reality, I was the one who was unhappy, and secretly wanting a career, and to be financially independent, and to be successful, and, well, happy.
It seemed easier at the time, for awhile, like ten years in my case, to just keep my eyes closed and just keep going. I had friendships and blood family in the cult, I had a place to live and found a purpose for my life- like if I continued in the "message of the cross" one day I would have a revelation of Christ, and that I was called to be a part of an elect small group that was going to take "this message" to the ends of the earth, and that if I continued to take care of "God's family and others", He will take care of all my needs, so why worry about yourself and your tomorrows?? God has that all under control. Do not think or look at or be concerned with those things, just follow God today, and do everything that His appointed leadership/coverings ask you to do, and you will end up right smack in the the middle of His will for your life.
This was a simple, easy way to live, for awhile anyway. This was the formula for religious deception that was used on the followers of ACTS/New Creation. The blinders are methods of deception that keep followers under the control of abusive spiritual leadership, who themselves may also be deceived, or self deceived.
Occasionally I still get asked, "so what was it that finally made you leave???" It is hard to put a finger on the exact thing or event that made me start to take off the dark glasses of spiritual deception and allow the light to come in......because, ya know, when those first rays of light hit my eyes, after years of living in darkness, it was painful. I could only take in a little bit of it at a time, it was just overwhelming. I think it was an accumulation of things; waiting and waiting for years for some promise to be fulfilled that I began to see was never going to be fulfilled. It had been ten years. I was tired of being so poor, so broke, and never saw an end in sight. Like all cults, ACTS traps its followers by bringing them into financial dependence upon the group, and then overworks you with "spiritual responsibilities/religious obligations" so you are unable to do anything to get out of it. Because you do not have the time to think about it, too busy to think about what is going on next month, much less where you want to be in a year. All I had time to think about was what I was going to do to keep up with my obligations that day or that week. Fundraising events, teaching classes, attending classes, transcribing, meetings, writing, praise and worship team, children's church, etc......College was believed to be a waste of time and money and life, really, as "they" would only fill your head with information contrary to the truth of the gospel anyway. Jesus needed disciples who were willing to give themselves wholly to Him and to His word.
I started questioning one thing, one abusive tactic, and to make a long story short, it backfired on me. That event then caused me to question something else, and then question something else, and then something else, and before you know it, the house of cards, in my mind, began to fall. To those in the group, I suppose it seemed as though I was questioning God's appointed authority, which is the biggest NO NO ever. I recall others who had left before me. I remember being told they had problems with authority. I had opened up to a "rebellious spirit" and I was to be avoided.
And, the truth is, I was questioning authority, but these jokers are not God's authority, these spiritual charlatans are no more than uneducated self appointed, self deceived spiritual gurus who have destroyed the lives of many they have come in contact with. They create followers, just to put their own mark upon them. They run from the light because it exposes their deeds. They do this by "shunning" people who begin to shed some light on things. They claim they are being persecuted, but really, they are just protecting themselves and running from the light.
I remember, after leaving, going through a season of feeling shunned, cut off, and it was a very hurtful and lonely time. The people in the cult where the only relationships I had. I knew other people, but they did not have the same value or importance to me as those in the group did. Rebuilding relationships outside the group has been a challenging and yet very rewarding experience. I enjoy having relationships with lots of different people with different beliefs and getting to know people for who they are, not just seeing them as a possible recruit or just a nobody. I have come to realize that the relationships I had in the cult where not real, they were built on a false foundation. And my perception of being shunned is different now. It was a huge blessing in disguise. It helped me take the blinders off, and slowly allow the light to come in, in waves, as I have been able to handle and process it. I once saw a little puppy open its eyes for the first time, and allow the light to come in. It has been a process, a painful one I admit, but the freedom and independence and healing that has come and continues to come as I look at myself and my life for what it is, for the state it truly is in today, is worth it all.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
I Understand. Me too.
I am happy to say that I have moved, far away from the small college town that I lived in for over a decade. A town where I came to live with a small group of people who "forsook all" to follow a man's doctrine in a religious cult. It feels so good to be away from there, in so many ways. I feel like Pig Pen, from the Peanuts, who just got out from this dust cloud that resided over his head for the longest time. Man, I look forward to writing more, and for all this next stage of life has for me and my family.
On the trip here, we were fortunate to stay in a swanky hotel for an evening, (thanks to Priceline.com), and something very cool happened. The person at the front desk who checked us in, recognized me......from this blog!! He said he follows it, as does one of his friends, and encouraged me to keep writing. Crazy....crazy because I stopped making entries awhile back for a couple reasons. First, my occasional journal entries had been causing some "problems", shall we say, and I was a bit overwhelmed at the time with so many other things, and decided to stop posting. But the crazy thing is, it really did not change anything. The accusations about what I was saying on this blog continued to come, from people who never even read it, as the comments being made proved this to be true. I think (or thought) that possibly the only people who read this blog were the members of New Creation Fellowship, as they seem to know the most about it!! hahaha!!! I thought this...UNTIL the person at the front desk at the swanky hotel told me he knew me from the blog I authored and asked why I stopped writing. So random, but it opened my eyes to something. Something important that I think everyone can relate to.
We never know who it is that is hearing our story and how it may be affecting people when we decide to throw it out there. Sometimes it may seem like we did it only for ourselves, and you know what? That really is reason enough. The healing that I have experienced from writing my story about my involvement with ACTS has already proved beneficial to me in SO MANY ways. I have no regrets. But we never know who is hearing our story, and what that may mean to them. I am remembering now how another ex New Creation person found me and contacted me on facebook a couple weeks ago. This was a person I was close to, someone who just disappeared from the world as far as I knew, and I always wondered what happened to him/her. I remember asking leadership about this person once and just getting this wide eyed look and some super spiritual answer about being taken deeper into Christ's death and I knew never to ask another question about that again. This person has also come to realize New Creation Fellowship is a cult, the doctrine false, and is on the road of freedom from religious abuse. So happy to hear this news, and the stories of others who I have been in contact with and have spoken similar comments. My eyes fill with tears now as I think how great it was to write back and say "hey, I understand. Me too."
Sometimes I think that is all that needs to be said. "I understand. Me too." How precious and priceless those words are when they are spoken in sincerity and honesty. How healing they have been as they have been spoken to me. Sometimes I have heard those words directly from the mouths of other ex cult members, as I needed to share my experience to someone would let me share it. Sometimes I heard those words spoken to me, although be it indirectly, from authors who wrote about their experiences. And healing has come that way as well. Understanding is a powerful healing salve, perhaps one of the most powerful. To be really heard by some one who understands, with an ear that is full of compassion and free from judgement; this is a rare and a precious commodity indeed...
"Happy is the man that finds wisdom, and the man that gets understanding; for the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She (understanding) is more precious than rubies, and all the things that can be desired are not to be compared to her..." Proverbs 3:13-15
On the trip here, we were fortunate to stay in a swanky hotel for an evening, (thanks to Priceline.com), and something very cool happened. The person at the front desk who checked us in, recognized me......from this blog!! He said he follows it, as does one of his friends, and encouraged me to keep writing. Crazy....crazy because I stopped making entries awhile back for a couple reasons. First, my occasional journal entries had been causing some "problems", shall we say, and I was a bit overwhelmed at the time with so many other things, and decided to stop posting. But the crazy thing is, it really did not change anything. The accusations about what I was saying on this blog continued to come, from people who never even read it, as the comments being made proved this to be true. I think (or thought) that possibly the only people who read this blog were the members of New Creation Fellowship, as they seem to know the most about it!! hahaha!!! I thought this...UNTIL the person at the front desk at the swanky hotel told me he knew me from the blog I authored and asked why I stopped writing. So random, but it opened my eyes to something. Something important that I think everyone can relate to.
We never know who it is that is hearing our story and how it may be affecting people when we decide to throw it out there. Sometimes it may seem like we did it only for ourselves, and you know what? That really is reason enough. The healing that I have experienced from writing my story about my involvement with ACTS has already proved beneficial to me in SO MANY ways. I have no regrets. But we never know who is hearing our story, and what that may mean to them. I am remembering now how another ex New Creation person found me and contacted me on facebook a couple weeks ago. This was a person I was close to, someone who just disappeared from the world as far as I knew, and I always wondered what happened to him/her. I remember asking leadership about this person once and just getting this wide eyed look and some super spiritual answer about being taken deeper into Christ's death and I knew never to ask another question about that again. This person has also come to realize New Creation Fellowship is a cult, the doctrine false, and is on the road of freedom from religious abuse. So happy to hear this news, and the stories of others who I have been in contact with and have spoken similar comments. My eyes fill with tears now as I think how great it was to write back and say "hey, I understand. Me too."
Sometimes I think that is all that needs to be said. "I understand. Me too." How precious and priceless those words are when they are spoken in sincerity and honesty. How healing they have been as they have been spoken to me. Sometimes I have heard those words directly from the mouths of other ex cult members, as I needed to share my experience to someone would let me share it. Sometimes I heard those words spoken to me, although be it indirectly, from authors who wrote about their experiences. And healing has come that way as well. Understanding is a powerful healing salve, perhaps one of the most powerful. To be really heard by some one who understands, with an ear that is full of compassion and free from judgement; this is a rare and a precious commodity indeed...
"Happy is the man that finds wisdom, and the man that gets understanding; for the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. She (understanding) is more precious than rubies, and all the things that can be desired are not to be compared to her..." Proverbs 3:13-15
Friday, March 4, 2011
Cult Prevention Lecture This Month
This semester is flying by, it is hard to believe that it has been so long since I posted last. BUT!!! It has been an exciting semester, with some really cool things happening in relation to all this crazy cult stuff.
The support group that meets in Denton is still alive and well, I am happy to say! I have been benefiting from it, I know that much. And I am happy to announce that Doug and Wendy Duncan will be giving a lecture this month at the University of North Texas, here in Denton. The lecture is titled "Cult Awareness, Spiritual Abuse, and Recovery", and will take place on March 24, Thursday, at 7:00PM, in Terrill Hall, room #120.
This lecture is open to whomever would be interested in coming, and is free of charge. I will be able to tell my story and hopefully impact the audience with the reality of just how close cults are among us, yes, even here in Denton. I/we are hoping the psychology and counseling students, as well as staff, would come, so they can be aware of the recovery issues people have upon leaving such groups. Doug and Wendy are both mental health professionals, as well as ex cult members, and they give these presentations free of charge, as it is their desire to educate the public of the dangers of such groups.
I am happy to begin telling my story more. I remember when I started this blog, two years ago. I named it "A Time to Speak" because writing down some of the details of my involvement with ACTS and New Creation Fellowship was healing to me, and I felt that it was time to speak up in some way. And I am glad I have. I am hoping that through these new opportunities to tell my story that it may bring healing not only to me but maybe help others understand the dangers and abuse that takes place in the name of God, under the guise of religion.
Could it be that I am seeing some light at the end of this very long and seemingly endless tunnel? Honestly, I am not ready to say that it was worth it all, yet. Honestly, I don't know if I will ever be able to say that. But today I can say that I am glad that something good seems to be coming out of this.
The support group that meets in Denton is still alive and well, I am happy to say! I have been benefiting from it, I know that much. And I am happy to announce that Doug and Wendy Duncan will be giving a lecture this month at the University of North Texas, here in Denton. The lecture is titled "Cult Awareness, Spiritual Abuse, and Recovery", and will take place on March 24, Thursday, at 7:00PM, in Terrill Hall, room #120.
This lecture is open to whomever would be interested in coming, and is free of charge. I will be able to tell my story and hopefully impact the audience with the reality of just how close cults are among us, yes, even here in Denton. I/we are hoping the psychology and counseling students, as well as staff, would come, so they can be aware of the recovery issues people have upon leaving such groups. Doug and Wendy are both mental health professionals, as well as ex cult members, and they give these presentations free of charge, as it is their desire to educate the public of the dangers of such groups.
I am happy to begin telling my story more. I remember when I started this blog, two years ago. I named it "A Time to Speak" because writing down some of the details of my involvement with ACTS and New Creation Fellowship was healing to me, and I felt that it was time to speak up in some way. And I am glad I have. I am hoping that through these new opportunities to tell my story that it may bring healing not only to me but maybe help others understand the dangers and abuse that takes place in the name of God, under the guise of religion.
Could it be that I am seeing some light at the end of this very long and seemingly endless tunnel? Honestly, I am not ready to say that it was worth it all, yet. Honestly, I don't know if I will ever be able to say that. But today I can say that I am glad that something good seems to be coming out of this.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Goodbye Fear, Hello Love
" There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear...." 1 John 4:18
I was at a meeting yesterday and the topic of discussion was how fear is used as a tool to manipulate people to do many things. Many people are scared that they are going to go to hell and therfore they say a "sinners prayer" or get saved or baptized or perform whatever ritual they believe will keep them from such eternal damnation. Understandably.
When the beginning of a persons understanding and relationship with God starts on the basis of fear, it becomes clear how someone could spend a lifetime of performing works and "doing" certain things to stay in God's good graces and away from His wrath and the flames of hell. Maybe the fear isn't necessarily in relation to hell for everyone, but it can still exist in relation to wanting to be a "good" and pleasing child to God, and not make this possible hell appointer displeased in any. For some people, myself included, this meant submitting to my authorites in my church group "as unto the Lord" and basically giving over the control of my life to human beings who were glad to take it over and exploit that for their own gain.
I have been thinking about how unlike God is from this fear cycle mentioned above. God gave us all a free will. To freely make choices in this life- this was a gift he gave us, and he does not take it away. I know certaian church leaders who have taken this away from their members, but God never has taken free will from mankind. He is not an abusive, controlling, manipulative totalitarian leader, in the name of religion.
God no longer relates to us according to some set of rules, and withholds his love and favor according to what we do and do not do. Since we can not earn this love throught what we do and obedience to rituals, we cannot lose it either, through what we might do or say. It is free. I think that the more we could grasp this, the less motivated we all would be by fear. Finding security in this kind of love is liberating. It has caused me to think more about God and less about church activities. It has made me free from feeling obligated to wear my beliefs on my sleeve, free to let go of religious obligation and just say goodbye to it forever. I wonder, was God really concerned with all that anyway? Religious duties and obligations? I don't know. Probably not as concerned as I was with it all! This kind of love brings the freedom to simple love God, and love your neighbor as yourself. I think when a person begins to grasp how freely loved we are by a loving God, not a wrathful God who is waiting to send people to hell, it becomes natural to love others in your life's path with this same love. The more I realize God is not witholding anything from me as a result of my doing or lack of doing, the less I judge myself according to what I am doing or not doing, and the more free I find myself to love those around me, despite their actions, beliefs, or behaviors.
"Jesus said unto him [pharisee], thou shall love the Lord, thy God, with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the forst and the great commandment. And the second is like it, thou shall love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." Matthew 22;37-40
I was at a meeting yesterday and the topic of discussion was how fear is used as a tool to manipulate people to do many things. Many people are scared that they are going to go to hell and therfore they say a "sinners prayer" or get saved or baptized or perform whatever ritual they believe will keep them from such eternal damnation. Understandably.
When the beginning of a persons understanding and relationship with God starts on the basis of fear, it becomes clear how someone could spend a lifetime of performing works and "doing" certain things to stay in God's good graces and away from His wrath and the flames of hell. Maybe the fear isn't necessarily in relation to hell for everyone, but it can still exist in relation to wanting to be a "good" and pleasing child to God, and not make this possible hell appointer displeased in any. For some people, myself included, this meant submitting to my authorites in my church group "as unto the Lord" and basically giving over the control of my life to human beings who were glad to take it over and exploit that for their own gain.
I have been thinking about how unlike God is from this fear cycle mentioned above. God gave us all a free will. To freely make choices in this life- this was a gift he gave us, and he does not take it away. I know certaian church leaders who have taken this away from their members, but God never has taken free will from mankind. He is not an abusive, controlling, manipulative totalitarian leader, in the name of religion.
God no longer relates to us according to some set of rules, and withholds his love and favor according to what we do and do not do. Since we can not earn this love throught what we do and obedience to rituals, we cannot lose it either, through what we might do or say. It is free. I think that the more we could grasp this, the less motivated we all would be by fear. Finding security in this kind of love is liberating. It has caused me to think more about God and less about church activities. It has made me free from feeling obligated to wear my beliefs on my sleeve, free to let go of religious obligation and just say goodbye to it forever. I wonder, was God really concerned with all that anyway? Religious duties and obligations? I don't know. Probably not as concerned as I was with it all! This kind of love brings the freedom to simple love God, and love your neighbor as yourself. I think when a person begins to grasp how freely loved we are by a loving God, not a wrathful God who is waiting to send people to hell, it becomes natural to love others in your life's path with this same love. The more I realize God is not witholding anything from me as a result of my doing or lack of doing, the less I judge myself according to what I am doing or not doing, and the more free I find myself to love those around me, despite their actions, beliefs, or behaviors.
"Jesus said unto him [pharisee], thou shall love the Lord, thy God, with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the forst and the great commandment. And the second is like it, thou shall love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." Matthew 22;37-40
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
It's a New Year, and a New Meeting
I am happy to announce that there is a new support group for former members of cults and/or spiritually abusive groups that meets in Denton, Texas. The group meets once a month, on a Saturday, from 3 - 5 pm. The meetings are free. Please contact me at mkoshatka@yahoo.com for more information.
With the continued support of Doug and Wendy Duncan, I look forward to taking this next step. Ever since I departed from a Bible based cult in Denton, I wished that something existed here to assist people, such as myself, in need of help after leaving such a group. I am so fortunate that I discovered the Duncan's, whose support, friendship, and guidance have been priceless in value to my recovery. It was through Wendy's book that I discovered their support group, and through their support group I discovered that I was not alone in my experience. And through their knowledge of resources, they told me about a place called Wellspring Retreat, where I went and met Dr. Martin, whose expertise changed my life.
I am happy to begin facilitating a meeting, a safe place, here in Denton, for anyone who may need the opportunity to talk about their experience, past or present, with a cult or spiritually abusive group. I am not a professional, nor am I there to give any sort of professional advice or instruction. The meeting is just a safe place for people to come together, talk and get understanding concerning these related issues. The healing that I experienced from just being around others who truly understood my experience was integral to my recovery. That kind of understanding came through others who had been there, and it is that kind of understanding that I hope to offer others by facilitating a meeting in the Denton area.
It has now been three years since leaving the cult that I was a part of for a decade. I recognize that a lot in my life has changed. For the better. And at the same time, so many of my present life challenges are still a result of my cult involvement, although the experience of being in the cult gets further behind me with each passing day. Life is challenging for everyone in this world, whether that includes cult involvement or not, I do realize this. But maybe I am a bit surprised at how far reaching the consequences have been as a result of decisions I made while adhering to cult ideology. Maybe I am realizing that the recovery process cannot be rushed, and just like recovery from any other type of abuse, it must be taken day by day. And today, I am okay with that.
With the continued support of Doug and Wendy Duncan, I look forward to taking this next step. Ever since I departed from a Bible based cult in Denton, I wished that something existed here to assist people, such as myself, in need of help after leaving such a group. I am so fortunate that I discovered the Duncan's, whose support, friendship, and guidance have been priceless in value to my recovery. It was through Wendy's book that I discovered their support group, and through their support group I discovered that I was not alone in my experience. And through their knowledge of resources, they told me about a place called Wellspring Retreat, where I went and met Dr. Martin, whose expertise changed my life.
I am happy to begin facilitating a meeting, a safe place, here in Denton, for anyone who may need the opportunity to talk about their experience, past or present, with a cult or spiritually abusive group. I am not a professional, nor am I there to give any sort of professional advice or instruction. The meeting is just a safe place for people to come together, talk and get understanding concerning these related issues. The healing that I experienced from just being around others who truly understood my experience was integral to my recovery. That kind of understanding came through others who had been there, and it is that kind of understanding that I hope to offer others by facilitating a meeting in the Denton area.
It has now been three years since leaving the cult that I was a part of for a decade. I recognize that a lot in my life has changed. For the better. And at the same time, so many of my present life challenges are still a result of my cult involvement, although the experience of being in the cult gets further behind me with each passing day. Life is challenging for everyone in this world, whether that includes cult involvement or not, I do realize this. But maybe I am a bit surprised at how far reaching the consequences have been as a result of decisions I made while adhering to cult ideology. Maybe I am realizing that the recovery process cannot be rushed, and just like recovery from any other type of abuse, it must be taken day by day. And today, I am okay with that.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Let the Burden be Lifted
I have someone in my life right now who is wanting to know about Jesus. They are hungry, spiritually, looking for answers and looking for something real. I find myself tongue tied and unable to say barely a word when asked. I have no answers, and honestly, why would I want to tell anybody about Jesus if following him can potentially bring them into the problem filled prison that I have lived in? Why would I want to tell anyone that I care about something that could potentially bring them this much harm?
I remember when I was in the group, I used to think about how naive people were when they first "received" Jesus because they had no idea what was coming to them. The "cross" was about to hit them and their whole life was about to change, and it was better that they did not know. I would think this. The "cross" meant that everything in your life needed to be brought to devastation in order for spiritual life to come "forth". This is the doctrine that I would heed to when I was "enduring" all sorts of "suffering" for Jesus, or so I thought.
Does following Jesus just mean enduring suffering? Does following Jesus mean enduring abuse in the name if Jesus? Does following Jesus mean you are no longer allowed to get pleasure from anything in this life, with or without guilt? Does it really mean giving up all your goals and hopes and dreams and "laying them at the foot of the cross", (the discretion of church leadership)? Does it really mean that you have a special knowledge that sets you apart from other people and makes you more special to God than others? Does it mean having a special responsibility in life to share this special "knowing of God" with everyone who crosses your path who will listen to you, in order for God to be "satisfied"? Does it mean that if you don't "put Jesus first in all things", like in your time, even to the point of putting "his needs" above sleep and self care, that I am not a true disciple, not truly "poured out" completely so Jesus can live in the "poured out" absence of me?
Because if it does mean these things...no thanks. I am not interested. Nor am I interested in recruiting anyone else into that prison.
What little I believe to be true today....is that God loves everyone, even those who don't believe in him. Freely. I believe He blesses all men without regard to spiritual affiliations. We can't earn it, therefore we can't lose it. And He is there to help sinners, the needy people, who have nothing at all to give.
Maybe I am no different than anyone else who is on a search for answers to spiritual questions? Maybe it is not my responsibility to have the answers? Maybe I can just be in touch with my own humanness and be okay with not having it all figured out, as I sit next to my friend who is in the same place?
I feel the burden lifting. It probably was never mine to carry in the first place.
I remember when I was in the group, I used to think about how naive people were when they first "received" Jesus because they had no idea what was coming to them. The "cross" was about to hit them and their whole life was about to change, and it was better that they did not know. I would think this. The "cross" meant that everything in your life needed to be brought to devastation in order for spiritual life to come "forth". This is the doctrine that I would heed to when I was "enduring" all sorts of "suffering" for Jesus, or so I thought.
Does following Jesus just mean enduring suffering? Does following Jesus mean enduring abuse in the name if Jesus? Does following Jesus mean you are no longer allowed to get pleasure from anything in this life, with or without guilt? Does it really mean giving up all your goals and hopes and dreams and "laying them at the foot of the cross", (the discretion of church leadership)? Does it really mean that you have a special knowledge that sets you apart from other people and makes you more special to God than others? Does it mean having a special responsibility in life to share this special "knowing of God" with everyone who crosses your path who will listen to you, in order for God to be "satisfied"? Does it mean that if you don't "put Jesus first in all things", like in your time, even to the point of putting "his needs" above sleep and self care, that I am not a true disciple, not truly "poured out" completely so Jesus can live in the "poured out" absence of me?
Because if it does mean these things...no thanks. I am not interested. Nor am I interested in recruiting anyone else into that prison.
What little I believe to be true today....is that God loves everyone, even those who don't believe in him. Freely. I believe He blesses all men without regard to spiritual affiliations. We can't earn it, therefore we can't lose it. And He is there to help sinners, the needy people, who have nothing at all to give.
Maybe I am no different than anyone else who is on a search for answers to spiritual questions? Maybe it is not my responsibility to have the answers? Maybe I can just be in touch with my own humanness and be okay with not having it all figured out, as I sit next to my friend who is in the same place?
I feel the burden lifting. It probably was never mine to carry in the first place.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Evil Continues While Good Men Do Nothing
Well, friends, I want to share a link to a recent news story that exposes the group called "Teen Mania" and their absurd and abusive spiritual "training" camps that the members go through in the name of God. I am strengthened by my friend Mica for "coming out" with her story. As a result of her blog and all the information she began to receive from current and ex- members of Teen Mania, she decided it was time to speak up. She was on staff at this "ministry" for years and came to the conclusion that it is a cult, and is now bravely sharing her story. Hopefully it will serve as a wake-up call and a reminder that, yes, cults are still sooooo very active and alive today. They indeed did not die in the late ‘70's as so many still believe. Without warnings like this and cult education, you, your friend, or someone you know can easily be recruited into a cultic group given the right circumstances...... She is encouraging me to take similar steps. "Evil continues while good men do nothing." Thanks for sharing your story, Mica!
I also wanted to let you know, that you, or anyone you may know who is in need, a support group in Denton, TX will be starting soon. This support group is intended for those individuals who have been involved with cults, high demand, or spiritually abusive groups. Hopefully we can begin by next month. The group will meet once a month on a Saturday. I will have more details later! I am excited to be facilitating a group such as this, and am thankful for Doug and Wendy Duncan and others who are supporting me in this endeavor. My hope is that this will be a group that can provide a safe place for people to talk and to be understood.
http://www.kltv.com/global/Category.asp?C=151146&clipId=&topVideoCatNo=15129&topVideoCatNoB=107660&topVideoCatNoC=108625&topVideoCatNoD=123412&topVideoCatNoE=107065&topVideoCatNo=66626&autoStart=true&clipId=5131080
I also wanted to let you know, that you, or anyone you may know who is in need, a support group in Denton, TX will be starting soon. This support group is intended for those individuals who have been involved with cults, high demand, or spiritually abusive groups. Hopefully we can begin by next month. The group will meet once a month on a Saturday. I will have more details later! I am excited to be facilitating a group such as this, and am thankful for Doug and Wendy Duncan and others who are supporting me in this endeavor. My hope is that this will be a group that can provide a safe place for people to talk and to be understood.
http://www.kltv.com/global/Category.asp?C=151146&clipId=&topVideoCatNo=15129&topVideoCatNoB=107660&topVideoCatNoC=108625&topVideoCatNoD=123412&topVideoCatNoE=107065&topVideoCatNo=66626&autoStart=true&clipId=5131080
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